Life, You Suck.

So it seems I'm going through a bout of depression or something, I'm not entirely sure. Tonight/this morning mimics Monday night/Tuesday morning in that I frittered away a bunch of time, and when I finally tried to settle down to sleep, I found I couldn't. Although tonight was different in that I attempted to cry myself to sleep a little without success. So it seems I'm going to be pulling another random all-nighter for no reason other than spontaneous insomnia. The only problem is that I have to work tomorrow night. I should be arriving at work in about twelve hours. I doubt I will get any sleep between now and then. I suppose this means I will have to enlist caffeine. I hoped it wouldn't have to come to this, but this seems to be my only option at the moment, since sleep evades me, and I can't be passed out during a show. I can't help but think the shows made me like this, with the not having to be there until 6 most days, and not coming home until 11. Then the matinees majorly screw me over. I won't be able to make up for this tomorrow night/tonight because of the stupid Saturday matinee. I'll just have to be sure to go to bed as soon as I get home from the show tonight/tomorrow night.

I hate not sleeping. It messes up my sense of the day and the tense I should use. It still feels like Thursday to me because I haven't slept, even though it's Friday, and it's far enough into Friday that some early risers are already waking up. I hate knowing that people are waking up from a full rest when I haven't even fallen asleep yet, and have lost all hopes of falling asleep during this rest period. I could try to get to sleep now and wake up at two or something, but I don't like wasting my mornign like that. This whole reverse sleep cycle kills any possibility of social interaction, and as much as I like my alone time, I really love being around people, especially people I'm comfortable with like my family. Nothing is worse to me than being alone in a crowd. That's what I like the least about work. I feel so alone because I barely know anyone aside from my drama teacher, but she's still busy mourning her mother, and I don't want to risk upsetting her or anything. Everyone else I feel awkward introducing myself to because I have no idea how to start a conversation. Bleh, I hate my life right now.

Well, I'm going to throw another futile attempt into sleep, even though typing this got me all riled up and emotional again, and it's still too light to fall asleep, but I'd rather lie awake in the half-dark than try to do anything else right now. The book I'm reading is depressing at the part I'm at, and online life means I don't have any chance at all of falling asleep.