Feeling a bit trapped

I've become increasingly upset with life over the past couple of days. The reasons are as follows:

1. Thursday was a morning show which I had to be there for at 9am. That is wayyyyy to early for someone who's become accustomed to going to sleep at 3am.

2. During said show, I found out via the stage manager over the headset in a passing comment to someone else that my high school drama teacher's mother died the previous day. (My high school drama teacher plays the Wicked Witch of the West, and her mother had been battling lymphoma (I think) for a long time.)

3. Every day since then, I have had to watch her grieve while trying to prepare for another show. It is so sad to see the pain in her eyes, and I have no clue how to deal with sad people. A friend has gotten mad at me in the past because I didn't comfort her properly after a loved one died in a highly publicized plane crash.

4. I still try to listen and be there for her in the few moments every day when she's passing me before her mic check, but I feel like I would be able to comfort her much better if I were acting in the show instead of tech. This brings up the bitterness once again from my failed audition for this show. And it's very hard to aim a light when you are so desperately longing to be on the other side of it.

5. I still need to sign up for auditions for my school plays. I'm afraid that I've waited so long that all the good audition spots will be taken, and then I won't do well in auditions, and I'll have to tech again in a show I could have been in, which makes me resentful of the world, and I feel like it stifles my creativity a little. It also makes me feel like I'm not good enough and never will be. I know this is untrue, but when that vicious cycle starts up, it's hard to break.

6. I feel as though I'm being exiled in my hometown. I went to two wonderful days of orientation, and I met people, and I spent the night in the dorms, and I ate in the dining hall, and it was wonderful. Now I'm back home for another two months (month and a half at this point, actually), and I haven't talked to anyone. There is facebook and people on it, but I start to feel antisocial.

7. Finally, I can't seem to go to bed at a decent hour. I keep wanting to wake up nice and early so I can actually do things with my day, but it never works. Even now, I'm spending time writing this stupid blog entry, however much it helps me let out my feelings, instead of washing my face and brushing me teeth so I can get to sleep.

Grr rawr.